Have you had a “cheese toastie meltdown”? It’s likely you’re experiencing compassion fatigue.
Have you had a “cheese toastie melt-down” at work? If you work in an alternative school or in the out-of-home-care youth sector, you’ll probably relate. Maybe the image of the cheese toastie has already triggered something inside of you?
What is a “cheese-toastie melt down”?
A cheese toastie meltdown, is that hard hitting moment when you feel you’ve got nothing left to give.
A young person urgently asks you to make them a toastie while you’re frantically juggling heavy disclosures, case notes, and concerns over the safety of another young person.
Something inside you snaps.
The toastie request frustrates you.
You struggle to empathise with this young person in front of you (who likely hasn’t eaten overnight, or hasn’t had an adult acknowledge them yet today, and is really just asking to have their needs met).
You eventually catch yourself, realising you’re exhausted and wonder where all your empathy has gone.
This is the epitome of compassion fatigue.
The myth of compassion fatigue
Compassion fatigue is the emotional toll of caring for others when you haven’t been able to refuel, recharge, and care for yourself (or allow others to care for you).
The good (and maybe surprising) news is, compassion itself didn’t cause the fatigue. You can’t run out of compassion 😉
It’s not like we actually reach a point one day where we stop and go, “that’s it, I’ve used it all up! My compassion is empty now and I’ll have to find something else to do with my life!”
The reality is that being in roles that allow us to express our compassion and help others can be very meaningful and fulfilling. We’re naturally compassionate beings and it is not compassion itself that causes our fatigue, it is a lack of care and compassion for ourselves.
We often approach our work by trying to fix the unfixable or manage the unmanageable and then take it out on ourselves when we are unsuccessful. We might blame ourselves, engage in negative self-talk, or believe we should have done more (even when it was impossible).
We become so good at giving compassion to those we care for, but it can be more challenging to direct that compassion towards ourselves.
So, how do we avoid more cheese-toastie meltdowns?
3 (and 1/2) Strategies to prevent “compassion” fatigue
As a teacher and school leader in Alternative Schools, I experienced plenty of compassion fatigue and witnessed the same happening to members of our team. During this time, I explored research and experimented with strategies to navigate these experiences, aiming to prevent the choose toastie meltdowns, and to support ourselves to recover quickly when it happened. Here’s what we found helpful.
1. Set Boundaries
Can you answer the following questions with certainty:
What is my role?
What hours do I work?
Is this clear to my clients and my colleagues?
When we are supporting others, it can be easy to blur the professional relationship or work long hours, simply because “we want to help.”
But, boundaries are helpful to us and to the people we support. They help us to show up stronger and for longer. Be clear with others on what your role is and how much communication/contact you will provide. Then be consistent.
We avoid disempowering our clients by not over-helping, too.
2. End the day intentionally: checklists and rituals
a.) End of day checklists
We have those heavier days when we might manage a difficult incident, or we receive a heavy disclosure, meaning we’re carrying a heavier emotional and cognitive load.
Using a "end of day" checklist can support us to systematically work through the steps of what needs to be done, but also to review what we already instinctively completed. By doing so, we lower our chance of overthinking after work hours and wondering if we could have done something differently.
Your checklist might include things like:
having a check-in conversation with the young person or client,
scheduling a care team meeting,
calling a guardian,
making a referral to a service,
asking a leader for advice,
making a CP report,
completing case notes,
providing them with a safe relationship etc.
b.) Develop an end of day ritual
When we are engaged in trauma impacted work, it can be really important for us to seperate the work part of our day with the personal part of our life. Using a ritual can help us consciously transition from professional time to personal time.
Examples of end of day rituals include:
a check-out question or conversation with colleagues
Journalling: “What went well (and why)”
turn off work devices,
remove work clothes,
wash the day away with a shower or swim,
get outside,
use some movement,
play a particular song etc.
3. Practice self-compassion
At the root of our compassion fatigue is a lack of care for the self. Self-compassion practices encourage us to treat ourselves as we would a good friend.
Practices include: meditation, journaling, intentional breaks, touch, and self-care activities. You can find FREE PRACTICES at: self-compassion.org.
Support your wellbeing with Wagtail Institute
We empower schools and complex settings to become wellbeing communities of practice where everyone can thrive.
We work alongside leaders, teachers, social workers, and a variety of practitioners to respond to wellbeing challenges, enhance trauma-informed practice, and navigate pathways to healing.
If you are curious about what this could look like in your setting, schedule a free consult call with Megan. megan@megancorcoran.com.au
